I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
