Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
