watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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