are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
