yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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