his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
