Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
