just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My hand turned me down
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
