before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
