so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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