Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
