Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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