It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
