Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
even my farts smell like vagina
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize