My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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