she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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