how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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