i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
