Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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