all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
