Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
