Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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