big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
