how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do vagina's smell?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
