Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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