Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
