Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
