if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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