so that wasnt chicken after all
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
