Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
