He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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