When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
