U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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