Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
