Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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