I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
