Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
