why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
