My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
