She is in my trunk
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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