i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
