Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
