i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
