I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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