I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
