i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
