apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
