I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
