Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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