I cannot find my penis.
...so i touched it.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
