Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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